It took 8 years for us to have a chance to meet back each other... During these 8 years i have been hoping and wishing to meet him back and be with him. Finally we manage to meet back each other at my brother's chalet... He still look the same but we never chat to each other untill when he send me home. All these years i have been through up and downs in my relationship and hope that one day he will rescue me away from these guys... He did rescue me from my very last relationship and i feel very happy with him at the sametime i also want to help him to find himself and do things that he likes. Finally after 1 years plus of sadness and crying he is finally doing something about his life and working now. Before he finally make a decision whether to chose me over his ex-gf and to study or to look for a job... I have wake up from my idea that realtionship is not important in my life as i had found more important things than realtionship. We make a pact or i make a pact with myself that when he finally found a job i will let him go and lead my own. Now he had been working for 1 year plus and we are still togather but im seriously thinking should i let him go....
He used to be a happy go-lucky person and look so boyish but now he is stress up with work and family problems that my poor him is losing hair too... Im feeling very confuse now. Did i stress him to much to meet up to my standard? It is worng for us to be togather? Should i let him go and find another more suitable girlfriend? I feel that partly what happen to him is my fault... Instead of being that kind of girlfriend that every guy wanted i become as what he always call me WCP==> Da nui ren zhu yi. I'm not or maybe i'm but life cannot be lead meaninglessly right? Everybody have to decide what kind od life that they want to lead and what kind of husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend that they are looking for right? We are not living in the olden days whereby we can't chose our the other half who will be accompanying us for the rest of our life... And naturally i will have the dream husband that im looking for. I'm not saying that he is not the right person... but i'm the right gal for him... I want him to be happy and stay the cheerful and happy-go-lucky guy that he used to be when i first meet him back. Its seems like i have make him to become like this and i have to admit there are so many things that i dislike about him. He really dotes me and try to give me what i want and likes. He tries to make me happy with his funny jokes which sometimes i don't see and agree with his jokes...joking with anything under the sun.
We have very different kind of thinking and im tired of trying to change his thinking into my thinking neither do i want to do it anymore as the saying goes if u really love the person you have to accept him/her as who he/she is... accept all his faults and his past. I can now accept his past... but who he is im still trying to accept. I have been reading a book called truely mars and venus... what is written inside this book is quite true abiut us ladies but this book will help us understand a guy more. I'm trying to learn ways of how to handle him and trying to stop changing him and acceptthe way he is... And his thought came to me whether should i let him go... maybe he will be happier with another gal as i haven given up trying to do anything neither do i want to change him anymore. He never gets to understand me neither does he tries... we are just from very different worlds... he never listen to what i say and always expect me to do things for him thinking that i won't be tired.. I feel that i pamper him too much in the past when i really wanted to be with him. Now?? I don't know... just feel that i should let him go and so i can do my oen things with no restriction from anyone... Can i for once in my whole entired life do something that i like without being restricted by other people especially my boyfriends!!??
Sorry dear i konw you will read this but i feel that im going to explode out sooner or later... i want to be happy and i want myself to be happy... I don't wish to feel restricetd by anyone anymore... I want to do things that i like and not doing things that you all like and expected from me! I'm not a puppet neither mi a robort... I have my own thinking and i have my own liking can't i just be myself ?? Ever since i started work at M1 last time i already give up hope on our relationship and im trying to do things that i like and finally realise that realtionship is no longer important what is important is my studies and my future career. Sorry i know you will feel hurt and angry with me after reading this... but i hope u can understand me.... im really very tired and hope for a very long break to find back myself but you will never understand... you never try to understand at all....
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2 comments:
we women always wanted our men to be what we want!
Brian is stressed too...opps...anyway...i wanted him to look gd...romantic, sensitive, loving...blah
Hmm...just move on and maybe we should also change abit...nowadays i do listen to him very much and knows that he needs comfort...he wants to come home not feeling stress...but it's a relaxing place that he can rest.
I am trying and doing my best to fit his bills...so is he...hence things does improve...i do nag sometimes...but it is acceptable to him! Cos i gave in to him too!
Learn to relax...u will see and feel better once u aren't so tensed.
Matchless topic, it is very interesting to me))))
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